He feels that weight settle close to him, and it's some small comfort not being alone, at least for a time. Of course that's how it begins. The loneliness drives you towards people, you enjoy their company while it lasts, then terrible things occur and you find yourself alone again. It's a cycle he can see clearly, one he could break if he were stronger.
But he can't shut them out. He doesn't have the heart to, even now.
He lowers his hands, thumb tracing the bumps of a burn scar on the palm of his hand. "...he didn't want to go back," he murmurs, as the creases in his brow deepen.
It seems to happen often. Those who want to stay don't get to. Those who want to leave are kept put. Some disappear very quickly - that's nothing that's gone unnoticed - but the longer they stay here, the more common that pattern seems to become.
Those who want to stay don't get to.
That seems counterproductive. Does the City, or whoever is in charge, want them to struggle? Perhaps.
It's not impossible that Jacob will come back, but nothing is certain, so he doesn't voice the thought.
There's no doubt in his mind. Ratonhnhaké:ton has lost him, too. And Angel. And others, who cared for him very deeply. All of them would feel that absence in their lives, the sudden quiet where he used to be.
The silence is the worst part, he thinks. It's always so quiet, after they're gone. No more opportunity to say things that you might have meant to. Words he should have said sooner, and now would never have the chance to.
He falls silent, then. There isn't much that needs to be said, at least from his side. Jacob has become a dear brother to him, and he feels this loss, but undoubtedly not as painfully as Charles does.
If there is anything Charles wishes to say, he's here for him. If not ... then he will simply sit here, so that neither of them have to be alone.
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no subject
He feels that weight settle close to him, and it's some small comfort not being alone, at least for a time. Of course that's how it begins. The loneliness drives you towards people, you enjoy their company while it lasts, then terrible things occur and you find yourself alone again. It's a cycle he can see clearly, one he could break if he were stronger.
But he can't shut them out. He doesn't have the heart to, even now.
He lowers his hands, thumb tracing the bumps of a burn scar on the palm of his hand. "...he didn't want to go back," he murmurs, as the creases in his brow deepen.
no subject
It seems to happen often. Those who want to stay don't get to. Those who want to leave are kept put. Some disappear very quickly - that's nothing that's gone unnoticed - but the longer they stay here, the more common that pattern seems to become.
Those who want to stay don't get to.
That seems counterproductive. Does the City, or whoever is in charge, want them to struggle? Perhaps.
It's not impossible that Jacob will come back, but nothing is certain, so he doesn't voice the thought.
"I'm sorry."
no subject
There's no doubt in his mind. Ratonhnhaké:ton has lost him, too. And Angel. And others, who cared for him very deeply. All of them would feel that absence in their lives, the sudden quiet where he used to be.
The silence is the worst part, he thinks. It's always so quiet, after they're gone. No more opportunity to say things that you might have meant to. Words he should have said sooner, and now would never have the chance to.
no subject
If there is anything Charles wishes to say, he's here for him. If not ... then he will simply sit here, so that neither of them have to be alone.